Cracked posted a fantastic list that looks at chick flicks that secretly hate women. Can I get an amen?
Let’s do a quick rundown of the listed movies that I have seen and why I hate them.
#7: What Women Want
What do women want? It’s obvious! They want Mel Gibson because he’s a cigar-sucking, misogynistic asshole! The whole movie rubbed me the wrong way, but the ending in particular chapped my ass. Helen Hunt finds out that Mel was stealing her ideas and reading her mind, and she’s okay with it? She hooks up with him anyway? What the flaming fuck?
#6: Twilight
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. Bella moves in with her controlling dad and immediately starts playing mommy to him, then meets sparkly Edward, who immediately starts controlling her. Jacob isn’t too bad in the first book/movie, but later HE starts controlling her, too. And does Bella shove them all off and tell them to go to hell? Nope. She swoons. Gag. (Apologies to Binary Betty. ;)
#2: How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days
I must first confess my deep and abiding hatred of Matthew McConaghey. The man has the acting range of a toaster strudel. He grosses me out. So… after sitting through an hour and a half of Kate Hudson acting out every disgusting stereotype about women and Matthew McConaghey drawling through an attempt to be Mr. Sexy, I wanted to puke. Unfortunately, my mother loves this movie. Ugh.
#1: Pretty Woman
It’s a retelling of My Fair Lady/Pygmalion. I get it. My film studies prof thinks this is one of the best movies ever and loves to bring it up to watch me grind my teeth. But I HATE this movie with the power of a thousand burning suns. Richard Gere falls in love with a hooker, awwww. How sweet. But only after she stops acting like Whorey McWhoreface and gets all gentrified. The lesson here? Ladies, you should mold yourself into Richard Gere’s idea of a perfect woman if you ever want to be loved and stop being a prostitute.
Ahhhh. I have to admit, it felt kind of good to vent my feminist rage at Hollywood’s bullshit. But now I really should get back to writing if I’m going to make it to 3400 words by tonight.
Tell me, which movies irritate you in the way they portray women?
TDF Pamela
The Discriminating Fangirl, who is more likely to answer to Pamela if you shout it at her, is currently working on a MA in English, focusing on children's/young adult literature and popular culture. She reads voraciously, loves geeky movies and tv shows, reads comic books as often as she can buy them, and when she's procrastinating, she enjoys playing video games. She can be contacted at t.d.fangirl @ gmail.com and followed on Twitter at the link below.
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- didn't like it
I have to admit; I got a little worried when I saw the title. I see so many posts around the internet with an attempt at smart feminism, but they just end up reaching further than is logical and sounding ridiculous. Then, after the first movie in the list, I remembered you’re the good kind of feminist- the smart kind!
I couldn’t agree more with these, and I hadn’t even thought about Pretty Woman, before. Mainly because I’ve only seen it once or twice, and barely remembered it, but it’s as squick-worthy as the others.
Apology accepted.
While I ‘get’ why Bella wants the super hot yet ice cold superpower vampire who has the powers of compelling + 9 million, I never really understood what the big deal with her was? I mean, she’s not so hot. And selflessness to the point of stupidity? Not to mention, she screws herself over in school… goes from honors science labs to being excited about getting accepted by Tundra State or whatever that place was.
Jacob Jacob Jacob. I never liked him because 1) he’s too young (SHUT UP) and 2) he’s got this whole rapist tendency thing that pisses me off and 3) he’s poor – JUST KIDDING!
Anyway. Back on task. Chick flicks that make we want the earth to burn burn burn with the rage of a thousand suns… hmmm…
I don’t know. Do those long weepy craptacular explosions count? Like “The English Patient” where the hills and gunfire and the ting of medical instruments become a ‘power in and of the film’ count? That sort of emotional appeal just makes me want to simultaneously stab my eyes out and vomit into the popcorn. Which is odd, because I love books. “A Farewell to Arms” was a great read and I cried about it for three days. Or minutes, but hyperbole in blog comments is allowed.
Anyway. Cheers.
and
TEAM EDWARD!
Knocked Up. We have a beautiful, successful woman who gets drunk and makes a mistake, but clearly the only right thing for her to do is not only to keep the baby, but also to marry the ugly slacker father. WTF?! And this is presented as a positive story to us womenfolk.
@Mo [bows] I try to be a smart feminist, heh. I’ve only managed to sit through Pretty Woman once, and that was plenty. I detest Julia Roberts anyway, and the story just made it torture.
@binary betty Bella… she bothers me because she really has no personality. She exists as a fantasy vessel. Readers can sub themselves into her place easily, and so she doesn’t have a strong personality at all. I really don’t care for that kind of protagonist. I’m reading a story so I can get a feel for the characters, and even though Twilight sucked me in the first time, after thinking about it, I’ve realized that she’s just a nonentity. She exists to attach herself to Edward/Jacob. Ugh.
I hate movies that try too hard to jerk your tears. If it’s obvious that a movie is trying to make me cry (instead of letting it happen naturally), I get tetchy.
@Amanda Hi, and thanks for the comment! I haven’t seen Knocked Up, partly because I can’t stand Katherine Heigl and partly because pretty much all of Judd Apatow’s movies come off as vaguely-if-not-overtly misogynistic. But I do know the storyline, and UGH. Ladies, if you have a drunken one night stand with a slacker slob, you should stick with him! And this is where I beat my head against my desk.
I’m surprised you didn’t mention “overboard” with Kurt Russel and Goldie Hawn. I mean really, the guy is guilty of fraud, kidnapping, rape and somehow she winds up with him?
@Xander
Excellent point. Seriously. My hatred for that movie is tenfold over any other movie on the list. I repeat, good, good point!
Xander, if I’d made the original list, that would definitely have gone on there. For some reason, my mother loves that movie. I think it’s hideous. A snotty, rich bitch has amnesia? Well, it’s obvious that Kurt Russell should kidnap her and make her his slave!