Doctor Who For Newbies, Part 2

If you haven’t read part 1, go do it now! Part 1 explained the history of the series and its main character, The Doctor.

Part 2

The TARDIS

The “TARDIS” is what The Doctor travels on. It stands for (get ready, there will be a quiz later) Time And Relative Dimension In Space. It’s presented to the viewer as something super-cool – after all, it can travel in space and time, right? – but, alas, to a Gallifreyan, it’s not. It’s actually the equivalent of a beaten-up ’70′s El Camino to them. It’s pretty much held together with duct tape, gum, and wishes, and one of its major functions is permanently down.

Britain used to have boxes on street corners that were strictly for calling the police when you needed to. The TARDIS has (had) a cloaking device of sorts; The Doctor would set it somewhere in plain sight and disguise it as something nobody would ever look at twice. Unfortunately, the circuits for this got jammed in the Sixties, and it’s stuck as a big, blue, anachronistic police call box.

It is, much like Paris Hilton, bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. WAY bigger. There are dozens upon dozens of rooms that we never see; in fact, it’s even got a library that exists in a swimming pool, a costume room, and we assume bedrooms for The Doctor and his companions.

One more important thing: it’s alive. All that trouble The Doctor attracts? Half the time, it’s the TARDIS pulling him not where he wants to go, but to where he is needed.

The Companions

From L to R: Sarah Jane, Mickey, Jackie, Rose, the Tenth Doctor, Martha, Donna, and Captain Jack on the floor. He likes it on the floor.

The Doctor is, in essence, a very lonely man. (Although, not a man, remember? Gallifreyan. Two hearts. He just looks like us. Or do we look like him?) And while he might be older than Methuselah, he’s still very much like a little kid sometimes. He needs to know he’s not alone. He needs support, he needs love, and sometimes, he needs to be reined in. This is where the companions come in.

Since 2005, there have been a lot of them. It’s a bit of a rotating door. And being a companion does not ensure you a happy future, always; what it does ensure you is that, while the ride lasts, you’re gonna love it. Riding shotgun with The Doctor is like the coolest rollercoaster you know – sure, there’s always some story about some kid’s neck getting snapped, but damn, is it worth the risk.

Some companions are just friends. Some are lovers.  Some are only really semi-companions; they’re only there briefly, or they get the title because they saved his life (in one case, only meeting him once), or they’re the current companion’s significant other.

Captain Jack Harkness

One of the great things about the reboot’s companions is that they are mostly made up of women – and women who can kick your ass, at that. The Doctor chooses who goes on his ship, and there’s always a requirement of intelligence, an adventurous spirit, and an ability to whoop someone’s butt at a moment’s notice. (And running shoes; dear God, you need running shoes.) Granted, the companions don’t always know that, but The Doctor does – and he’s pretty good at picking them. You will find yourself cheering for and identifying with at least one of them, if not all of them.

And then there’s one who you’re probably gonna wish could visit your bedroom for some playtime. He’d be up for it, too.

The Enemies

You know he’s got ‘em, and they haven’t forgotten the Time War either. It’s a very good thing for them that The Doctor would much rather rehabilitate them and teach them a new way of living than destroy them; if he felt differently, I don’t think that any of the beings in the picture at the bottom of the page would exist. (And no, I don’t mean MY picture, smartasses.) He will never cease trying, no matter how he might want to do otherwise, to get his enemies to sit down, shut up, and quit trying to take over everything (and P.S., leave the damn Earthlings alone).

His greatest enemies are the Daleks. They’re slimy little octopus-looking things that ride around in a metal shell, and they exist for one reason: to exterminate anyone who isn’t a “pure” Dalek. They are Hitler’s Germany, wipe ‘em all out kind of evil. They SUCK. And if The Doctor comes across any, you can safely bet that you will see a very, very angry Doctor – something you never want to see.

There are also the Cybermen, old foes of his. If you guessed “they sound like a marriage of human and machine”, you got it in one. They believe everyone should be “converted”, and that their army should grow. The human host is only necessary for parts, and all emotion is purged. They’re like Vulcans on steroids and a death wish.

Being the last of the Time Lords, The Doctor has many enemies, and a lot of them are specific to one or two episodes only. There are other arch-enemies, but telling you those would be cheating (spoilers, darling!) – so I won’t. You’ll have to find out for yourself!

Basically, if you see any of these guys, RUN.

Watching The Show

Yes, Americans, this is a British show – which means you may be freaking out right now over how to get it. Thankfully, Doctor Who has crossed the pond so successfully that it’s fairly easy to get. If you have BBC America, you can get the episodes there – although, I would suggest alternatives. The BBC in England does not require commercials, but BBC America does, so BBC America has to cut the episodes in order to fit ads in. This is not good. I highly suggest getting Netflix, where they are streaming seasons 1-4 on Instant Watch, and should have season 5 on disc soon. (Don’t worry about whether “season 1” will confuse Netflix – it will take you to Christopher Eccleston’s 2005 Ninth Doctor, not the actual First Doctor.)

So jump in. Have fun. Love it. Allons-y and geronimo!