Merlin 3.13 – “The Coming of Arthur, Part Two”

Last time on Merlin:

Merlin’s still setting shit on fire and completely ignoring anything resembling healing magic.

Arthur’s nearly died. Again. And he’s now hiding out in the woods. I think he likes it there.

Morgana’s EVIL. …Oh, wait, did I just spoil you? I did? What show have you been watching?? Anyway. Queen of Camelot, blah blah blah.

Daddy’s been shamed in front of the court and jailed. And I’m pretty sure he yelled “Butbutbut Morgana’s mom was hot! And LONELY!!” as he was dragged off. He’s now spending his days at the Chateau Camelot’s finest accommodation, including a lovely stone floor bed and bars on the window. Room service and everything!

Gwaine’s back. And I’m thinking the only way to piss him off by now is to mess up his perfect ‘do. Seriously, the thing does not move.

Oh yeah, and Morgause finally got sick of teasing the hell out of Cenred and killed him – but not before starting the immortal army that I swore couldn’t possibly ever happen.

That’s what you missed last week on Glee Merlin.

[spoiler show="Show Spoilers!"]We open with this season’s chew toy, Sir Leon, getting dragged out to Morgana’s throne room. She’s trying to get the knights to pledge loyalty to her; they’re being royal pains in her ass and refusing. She lines them up and has them aimed at by archers in the courtyard. The townspeople have been assembled; she gives the knights one last chance. Sir Leon decides to yell “Long live the king!”, which is echoed by the rest of the knights. And in a move that I actually did not see coming, (!) Morgana says “Alright, then” – and the archers shift. She has the TOWNSPEOPLE shot.

Rapport with your kingdom, ur duin it rong. (Ceiling Cat is not amused. I don’t know how Ceiling Cat got into this, but oh well. This is what happens when you ask me to pull stuff out of my head at random.)

And we’re back with Uther. He’s suddenly trying to switch to Good Cop, but Morgana reminds him of all the people he killed. Oh yeah, and she so totally hates you, Daddy. You’re so mean!

Arthur and company are hiding out in a cave, playing keep away from the immortal soldiers who have been sent after them. He’s sullen and still stuck on “OMG SHE’S MY SISTER? Oh GOD, the things I thought about her back in Season One! Stupid, stupid, stupid!” Merlin gives him Colin Morgan’s patented You’re Being A Dumbass glare, and tries to get him out of acting like an emo 14 year old boy who writes “we’re all gonna die” poetry and hates the world.

It appears that Morgana picked up Emo Boy’s share of eyeliner before he could get to it, though. She asks Gwen to basically suck up, and Gwen does it. She offers to go talk to Leon, to see if she can get him to quit all the loyalty crap and join The Evil League of Evil that Morgana’s got going on.

Back to the cave! Man, these episodes would be a lot shorter if the first lines were “Okay, Gaius, tell me everything you know on X. Got it. Now scatter.” Apparently if you drain the Cup of Life of all the blood it holds, the immortal army goes bye-bye.

Meanwhile, Gwen gets in to see Leon. Guess what? She’s gonna break him out! Which would be great if Morgause and Morgana hadn’t been listening in. The downfall of Camelot: not Mordred, not the Grail search, not infidelity – it’s that nobody ever watches out for Morgana’s ears. Afterwards, Morgana offers up a toast to Gwen’s efforts, but not before dumping powder in her wine.

In the cave, Merlin’s remembered that vial of water he got from the Fisher King. It’s supposed to “show him the way” in Camelot’s “darkest hour”, right? That’d be great – if he could figure it out. His spells are useless.

Gwen, at nighttime, breaks into Morgana’s chambers. She gets the dungeon keys, makes a form, and actually casts a copy of the key to Leon’s cell.

Merlin, meanwhile, has exhausted his knowledge and himself. Gwaine gets up to pee, and – goddammit, Gwaine, you and your killer hair just knocked the vial out of Merlin’s hands, and it’s broken everywhere! Crap! ..Wait. He watches it pool on the cave’s bottom, and who do we see? Freya. Anyone remember her? Merlin’s one-episode-long girlfriend who he ended up having to give a Viking funeral to? Freya tells him to come to the lake, and she’ll hand over Excalibur.

Merlin then gets the Great Dragon to fly him over to the lake, after protesting that he is “not a horse, young man!” Sorry, dude. Apparently you are. The dragon drops him off, but makes him promise that he’ll put it where nobody can get it once he’s done.

Merlin rides a boat into the middle of the lake, where a feminine hand comes out and holds up Excalibur. Excuse me, I seem to have dust in my eyes.

Gwen breaks out Leon, and the powder she consumed comes into play. Morgause says a spell, and suddenly, Gwen’s got a glowy trail. Uh oh.

Arthur hears a noise outside the cave – and he’s quit whining, by the way – and, good news! It turns out to be Gwen and Leon. Bad news, the soldiers have found them. Really good news? Excalibur makes them blow up. Super awesome news? Lancelot and his new burly friend Percival have come to the rescue. Granted, “Lancelot is back” is not terribly good news for Gwen, who gives her best “thanks for saving the love of my life’s hide, ex-boyfriend” look.

The company finds its way to a ruined castle, and – HOLY HEAD PRIESTESS OF AVALON, is that a dusty round table in the corner? It’s a table! It’s ROUND!! ..Arthur, why are you walking by it? Ple-heease tell me this table gets used before the episode is up. Pretty please? Santa? Arthur: “Search the place; see what you can find.” How about the freaking table in the freaking corner?

And, oooh, he’s found it, and symbolism just hit him over the head with a giant mallet. Arthur gives a speech about reviving the tradition of equality for all. He tells them he’s gonna break Daddy out of prison, and asks if anyone’s with him. Lance stands up first and… aww, he’s so damn noble. Then Gwen’s brother, then Leon, then Gwaine’s hair, then Percival and Gaius. And Gwen, who says “you know the answer”, and I don’t think she’s talking about the mission.

And then, “Merlin?”

“No, I don’t really fancy it.”

“You have no choice, Merlin.” Merlin rolls his eyes, and stands up. They’re so cute when they flirt.

Arthur knights everyone in chain mail. And dammit, I have dust in my eyes again. Can someone come clean my house? I keep getting all teary. It’s embarrassing.

Merlin tells everything to Lancelot, the only person in the room besides Gaius who knows about his powers. They plan to take out the Cup while Arthur’s busting people out of the dungeon.

Arthur finally gets over the “Daddy won’t let me be with you” crap, and kisses the hell out of Gwen in front of everyone. …Fucking dust! Lancelot gets the hint and goes to cry in the corner.

The. Hair. Does. Not. Move.

And the sneak attack on Camelot starts! Merlin’s gained some swordplay. Lance is impressed.. He blows up a few more soldiers, while Arthur and everyone else fights about twice their number in the dungeon. Arthur finds his father, but Uther is no longer the man he was. He’s clearly broken. I guessed that he’d bite the big one in this episode; I was wrong. We’ll see if “broken” is as effective.

Merlin’s just about to wipe the Cup of Life off the map when Morgause attacks. He’s flung against a wall. She’s choking him with the Force, when out of nowhere comes Stealth Gaius, who throws out a spell and tosses her against the wall like a rag doll. The army is instantly blown up – every single one of them.

Morgana finds Morgause unconscious, and she yells at Merlin… before erupting into magic-filled, ear-shattering shrieks that bring the ceiling down and blow the windows out.

The most important part of this is Gwaine’s hair made it through.

Waitwaitwait, what about Morgana? Y’know, the evil bitch that took over? Anyone? Bueller?

It’s all forgiven in the next scene, which frankly had me grinning like a fool. Here come the new knights of Camelot, all spiffied up, in slow-mo. The boys are back in town, and they look good.

Oh yeah, and by the way, Morgana escaped that. How? Who knows? Why’d they take five minutes to address it?

So Merlin remembers about putting the sword where nobody can get to it – and I damn near hopped off my couch in glee as he drives it into a giant rock.

That’s right, folks, the sword is in the stone. Awesome.

The new crew

That’s it for this season! The next season won’t be up until 2012, so we’ll hope that the writers use the time wisely. Plotting… it’s a good thing. I love this show, as much as I mock it, but this season was extremely uneven. Every show has its better moments (and its weaker ones), but this season seemed to only veer between amazing and “oh God, why am I watching this?” (Hint, by the way, if you didn’t get it: I loved this two-parter. Especially this particular episode.)

As British shows have half the run of the standard American show, better quality from episode to episode is something I’ve come to expect from the BBC. There’s less room for “well, crap, what do we do this week?” filler. I sincerely hope that Merlin’s writers get their stuff together in time for the next round of filming; they’ve got all the tools they need. Namely, a huge, already established myth arc that begs to be played with, and fine acting from a great cast. (I hope they use Bradley James more in the next season; he’s shown wonderful glints of talent that the character of Arthur has yet to let him fully access. I think that once the show really lets him spread his wings, we’ll all be quite impressed.)

My next-season guesses? I hate to go all Professor Trelawney on everyone, but someone’s got to die, and it’s either gonna be Gaius or Uther. Arthur can’t fully be king while Daddy’s still kicking around, and Merlin can’t progress along his path while he still has the crutch of Gaius to lean on. Both are on the Hero’s Journey, and you can’t get through that without your mentor pushing up daisies at some point. It’s, as Terry Pratchett so succinctly puts it, the Theory of Narrative Causality.[/spoiler]

Thank you for reading and watching along with me; it’s been a treat.

And for putting up with my fucking language.

Found this. HAD to put it in. It's practically law.